When I was growing up grandma had a small stain-glass window decoration that she hung in the living room or dining room window.
All these years grandma has held on to it and even brought it to Taiwan when she moved her eleven years ago. It’s probably 15 years old and the letters are starting to come off, but still holds a timeless message.
When mommy was setting up your nursery grandma brought it over to our house for me to put in your room. We hung it up in your window and each day the sunlight streams through it casting beautiful shadows on the floor.
The other day I was in your room, like I am everyday, and I found myself just staring at it.
I wasn’t staring at the cute little animals or the red roofed ark. I was staring at the words:
God keeps His promises.
Over the past year this has been something that I have had to cling to with all that I am. Sophia, this past year has been the hardest and most trying year of my life. I’ve had my faith tested again and again and again. And I have had many many moments when I have not been faithful to God and I haven’t trusted Him. But I know, with all my heart, that He has never stopped being faithful to me. He has kept His promise to stay with me every step of the way, and He has never left my side—even on the darkest of days.
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
The day that we were told you most likely wouldn’t survive, and that we should abort you, He was standing right next to me.
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
The day we found out how serious your heart condition was and that we would only have a few days left with you, He was holding my hand.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
The day you passed away in my arms and I kissed you for the last time, and laid you on a table in the basement of the hospital and walked away from you, He scooped me up and carried me out of the hospital.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior”
Because that is simply who He is.
He is a God who doesn’t promise a pain-free life, but He does promise a life that covered in His love.
He promises us, in His Word, that He will never leave us or forsake us, and I have to cling to that. Because He cannot lie and He cannot be anything other than who He is now and Has always been. He is our Father, Sophia, and He loves you and me so, so much.
Oh,how He loves us, oh how He loves us all.
Remember our song, baby?
It’s in the darkness of night when the tears threaten to never end that I hold the tightest to His promises. It’s in the moments at the store when smiling families are all around me and my empty arms, that I have to force myself to remember: God keeps His promises.
And I have to believe, Sophia, that one day He will fill my empty arms and will give you a brother or a sister. I have to believe that He didn’t fill my heart with this much love only to leave it without a recipient for it.
I also hold tight to the promise that one day I will see you again, my little bear cub. I believe the promise that right now you are in a place with no pain, and no tears, and no sorrow. I believe that you are whole, and perfectly healthy, and enjoying the benefits of His promises—in Heaven.
I can’t wait to see you again, little one.